T.M. Kayode

I hadn’t argued in a while—at least, not until tonight. You know the kind of argument I’m talking about, right? One of those long, drawn-out, and completely exhausting ones that leaves your veins popping and your brain throbbing as you go back and forth, trying to get your point across to someone who just. Won’t. Budge.

Yep, that was me tonight.

It was a full-on argument—complete with a who-is-talking stick (or, in this case, a bottle) and me furiously documenting the points raised, so we could address them with our own counterpoints when it was finally our turn to speak. And, let me tell you, it was draining.

Somewhere around the last stretch of the argument, I remembered a little rule I came up with years ago—one simple question I use to decide whether or not it’s even worth engaging in an argument. This question has helped me avoid tons of unnecessary arguments, and tonight, I wish I had thought of it sooner.

So, what’s the magic question? It’s this:

Do I Know This Person, and Will I Ever See Them Again?

This is the first question I ask myself when I feel an argument brewing. You’d be surprised how many unnecessary arguments you can avoid just by applying this simple litmus test. Let’s break it down into three possible cases:

Case 1: I Don’t Know This Person, and I Will Never See Them Again

If the answer to this is no for both questions, then—trust me on this—there is literally no point in engaging in a lengthy, overblown argument. Whether it’s a stranger at a social gathering, someone in the comments section on social media, or the random person who cut in line at the grocery store, if this is a one-time encounter, let it go. Seriously, conserve your energy. What’s the point of raising your blood pressure for someone whose name you don’t even know? You won’t change their mind, and you won’t get those 20 minutes of your life back.

My advice: Smile, nod, and move on. They’ll forget the argument tomorrow, and you’ll be better off for it.

Case 2: I Know This Person, and I May See Them Again, but Their Life Doesn’t Affect Mine

Now, let’s say you do know the person, and yeah, you’ll probably see them again at some point. But if their way of life, their views, or their opinions don’t really impact you in any significant way, is it really worth getting into it? If their choices, opinions, or outlook don’t directly affect your day-to-day, this is an ignore situation.

Think about it. You’ve got a neighbor who always rants about the government. Sure, you’ll see them around, but their opinion doesn’t shape your life, your work, or your values. Engaging in a heated debate with them every time you bump into each other is probably just going to cause more stress than it’s worth.

My advice: Let them talk. Smile. Walk away. It’s their world, and they’re entitled to their opinions, but their views don’t have to take up space in your head.

Case 3: I Know This Person, I’ll See Them Again, and Their Views Directly Affect My Life

And now, the tricky one. What if you know the person, you’ll definitely see them again, and—here’s the kicker—their way of thinking or their actions actually affect you in some way? In this case, my friend, you better believe I will engage, and probably vehemently.

This could be a colleague at work whose decisions influence your projects or a family member whose opinions are going to be discussed again and again at gatherings. If this person’s views are intertwined with your everyday life, you can’t just ignore it. You need to make your point known, because if you don’t, you’ll either have to live with their decisions or keep biting your tongue—and neither of those options sounds appealing.

My advice: Get ready to state your case clearly and firmly. Sometimes, you just have to hash things out, even if it’s exhausting. After all, if their choices affect your life, you have every right to make your voice heard.

So, where did tonight’s argument fall? Oh, it was a Case 3, without a doubt. This person is someone I know well, and I’ll see them again. Even though we had our logical points laid out, and even though we documented every rebuttal like it was a courtroom debate, it was absolutely exhausting. We didn’t walk away with any major shifts in perspective (I mean, who really does in these situations?), but at least I made my stance clear.

And that’s the thing about Case 3 arguments—they’re not easy, but sometimes they’re necessary. You have to pick your battles, but when you do, you should go in prepared, knowing that while it might drain you in the moment, you’re defending something that matters.

In Conclusion: Not Every Argument Deserves Your Time

So, there you have it. Before you dive headfirst into an argument, take a moment to ask yourself: Is this really worth it? If the person’s opinion or actions won’t affect your life in the slightest, why waste your energy? But if their decisions are going to influence you, don’t be afraid to stand your ground.

Tonight’s battle may be over, but I’ll definitely be keeping my three rules in mind for the next time an argument comes my way. Hopefully, it’ll save me some energy, and maybe it’ll save you some too.

Now, over to you!

What are your personal rules for arguing? Do you have a specific strategy for choosing when to engage and when to let things slide? Let’s chat in the comments—I’m always up for a good discussion (but maybe not a full-blown argument 😉).

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!